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Acts 9:1-20; John 21:1-19
Saul was a man on a mission. He was so consumed with putting a stop to this new movement of people who said Jesus had risen from the dead that he went to the high priest to obtain letters that would allow him to imprison people who believed in Jesus. He was so determined to get rid of this belief, this ideology, that the documents he got from the high priest gave him permission to imprison both men and women who belonged to the Way (the first name given to the church). Saul’s zeal, his passion, was so intense that Acts says he was “breathing threats and murder against the disciples of the Lord.” He was so passionate, so zealous, so angry about what he saw as a perversion of his faith that it was his very breath.
Shortly before our passage from Acts for today, Stephen, a man who had just been selected as a deacon in the early church was arrested and then stoned to death for his faith. Stephen’s crime? Proclaiming that Jesus had risen from the dead. When the religious leadership asked him if it was true that he had said he would destroy their holy places and change all their customs, Stephen began with the story of God’s call to Abraham and gave a testimony that Jesus was the one they had been waiting for. The leaders were so enraged that they dragged him outside of the city and stoned him. To give us an idea of how passionate Saul was about pure religion, Acts tells us, “Saul approved of their killing him.”
Simon Peter, on the other hand, was a brokenhearted man. He had followed Jesus so closely that Jesus named him the rock on which the church would be built. He had been so passionate in his faith that when people came to arrest Jesus, Simon Peter drew his sword, ready to fight. He was the first disciple to recognize Jesus was the Messiah. And he, along with John, were the two who went to the empty tomb to verify Mary Magdalene’s story that Jesus was no longer in the grave. Peter’s faithfulness as a disciple had been rock solid. Sure, he often spoke before he thought, or took action without thinking it through, but he wanted desperately to follow Jesus.
And yet, in Jesus’s darkest hour, Peter denied him–not once, but three times. Sure, he and John were the only disciples who didn’t run and hide when Jesus was arrested, but when it mattered the most, Peter was too afraid to say, “Yes, I know Jesus. I follow him.” When the cock crowed three times, Peter was devastated. After the resurrection, Jesus appeared to the disciples twice, but I imagine Peter (rather than breathing threats and murder) was breathing regret and brokenness. How can a person recover from such devastating failure?
On this third Sunday of Easter, we are given pictures of these two men at their most broken. We see Saul at his most arrogant, his most angry and self-assured, and we see Simon Peter at his most heartbroken and most ashamed, so that when we see their lives transformed, we will know this transformation is possible for us, too. A brilliant light blinded Saul, and as he became dependent on others to lead him, and upon Ananais to overcome his fear to heal him, Saul realized he had been wrong about so many things. Around a charcoal cookfire with some fish, Simon Peter realized that even his deepest failure could not stop God’s love for him. Both broken men–one by his murderous heart and one by his overwhelming sense of shame–discovered that God was capable of setting them free to follow him into a bright and beautiful future.
For the next few weeks, we will be exploring the Scriptures and the many ways we are set free by God. This freedom, this unloosing of the chains and bondage that we face, is so needed in a world that often feels heavy and burdensome. Perhaps we are like Saul, and we are so convinced that we are right, or we are so angry about all that is wrong, that we have closed ourselves off to what God is whispering to us. We have made ourselves so hard-hearted and closed-eared, that we require a little bit of a spiritual 2×4 to the noggin to wake us up. Or, maybe we are like Simon Peter, and we’ve been so deeply humbled, even humiliated, that we cannot see a bright future because of the sense of shame that we carry. We are so far in the pit that we cannot hear God whisper to us that God never stopped loving us. Or, maybe we are somewhere in between these two extremes, but are still just as in need of being set free from our arrogance or our sense of worthlessness. No matter what our situation, God is calling to us that there is a better way. That we have never been unloved by God. That there is always hope, freedom, and lightness as we walk as disciples of the Lord.
Saul’s conversion was so dramatic that he changed his name to Paul. His life turned around 180 degrees, and he went from breathing murderous threats against the church to breathing out the peace of Jesus on every person he met. Simon Peter’s conversion was so tender that I can feel the tears that must have been in his eyes as Jesus reminded him three times that he is loved by God, and that God has a big calling for him to take care of God’s people. I wonder if you more closely identify with Saul or with Simon Peter today.
I love the Bible’s description of Saul as “breathing threats and murder” because it shows us how deep his conviction went. It was his very breath. In ancient Greek culture, to say someone was “breathing threats and murder” would be to say that it was their life’s goal. It was their focus, their driving force. It was practically how he was wired. I’m reminded of my Jack Russell terrier Wishbone. He is hardwired to chase anything that moves. It’s just how he is. He lives it. He breathes it. He even dreams it. His conviction to chase things comes out every time the neighborhood cat comes to our door. He would do anything to get out that door and chase after the cat, even though this cat has come to visit us almost every day for four years. Yet, the Bible tells us the day will come when the lion and the lamb can lie next to each other. I imagine my Jack Russell and Noodles the cat enjoying each other’s company. God is able to break through even the deepest, farthest-reaching parts of ourselves that we think can never change, and show us the way.
And Simon Peter, I can’t help but notice the detail in his story that he is restored, forgiven, and reminded of his purpose around a charcoal fire. The only other place in the Bible where this word for charcoal fire occurs is in the story of Peter denying Jesus. As people warmed themselves by the fire, they asked him, “Aren’t you a follower of Jesus?” and Peter responded, “I do not even know the man.” I wonder what courage it took for Peter to draw close to another charcoal fire and be reminded of his deep shame and feeling of failure. I wonder if Peter, the one who was so excited to see Jesus again and had jumped into the sea to get to shore, hesitated for even a moment before he allowed himself to confront those memories of denial.
This morning, I want to share with you good news of great joy–God can set you free. Through the Holy Spirit, God can reach into those deepest, most hidden, most broken places in your life–the ones you work the hardest to keep hidden–and can bring healing. We are not stuck breathing our own self-righteousness or our own sense of self-shame. We are set free so that we can follow the One who tells us daily, “You are my beloved, and I have wonderful things for you.”
To our graduates here today: God has wonderful things for you. No matter where you’ve been, what you’ve been through, what things you are way too sure about, or what things make you feel uncertain about yourself, God has wonderful things for you. And it’s a joy to get to be even a small part of your journey. As you go forward, I hope you will remember that we are always here for you. You can always come home to this church and find a place of belonging.
And to everyone here: God has wonderful things for you. In a few moments, we will be invited to share the Lord’s Supper together. We will remember the way Jesus blessed the meal and shared it with his disciples–even the one who would betray him, and the rest who would desert him. He shared with them, taught them, and continued giving to them, even when he knew they would turn away. And after the resurrection, he restored them all and sent them out to share his peace with the world.
God invites you to this table with full knowledge of your broken places. He knows what you’ve been through and what you’ve done, and he still invites you because God loves you. Whether you are like Saul, like Simon Peter, or somewhere in between, God is ready to set you free to follow Jesus into a bright and beautiful future. Will you allow those broken places to be mended so that you can be set free? May God give us the courage to make it so.